Embrace Yourself

Lately, I've noticed a strange phenomenon: I spend large chunks of most days feeling great. After a few years of rough patches, setbacks and some mighty big speed bumps, this experience is truly new and it crept up on me so slowly, that it didn't sink in for a while.

So I've spent some time contemplating this phenomenon. But not too much time, because I feel too good to overanalyze. Here's what I've noticed: my perception of myself has made a seismic shift toward the positive. My thoughts and emotions have joined the shift and the rest of me has followed suit.

The feeling is one of gratitude, abundance and joy. It's also a feeling of acceptance - what if everything is exactly how it's supposed to be? What if every circumstance I encounter is an opportunity?

The shift culminates many years of work to dismantle old beliefs and perceptions of myself. Simultaneously, I've observed deliberate changes I've made in my actions and how I see myself.

A word about self-perception... Seeing yourself as the person you really are is fun. It's abundant to see all of the positive aspects of yourself and then deciding how you want to express them. We spend an inordinate amount of energy castigating ourselves for what we're not: we compare, we contrast, we negate. And sometimes we do this in the name of being "honest" with ourselves. But it's not honest to focus only on the negative - and it's not true.

Instead, examine the places where you shine. Answer these questions and do these exercises and I bet you'll feel better about yourself and what you so uniquely offer the world.

• What would a friend or colleague who thought the world of you say? Make a thorough list of the accomplishments and positive attributes they would list. No downplaying allowed. If you hear a voice in your head saying, "Oh, that? That was no big deal," put it on the list. If you feel guilty about an accomplishment or unsure of it, put it on the list. And of course, the accomplishments you feel great about will already be on the list.
• Take the process a step further and ask friends or colleagues directly for the same list.
• "What do you want to be when you grow up?" My four year old asks me this question almost daily. I'm not sure who or what prompted this line of questioning, but after several days of it, I started taking it more seriously. This question reconnects me with my passions. Where does it take you?
• Track your thoughts for a few days and record how many are positive and negative. When people begin tracking their thoughts, they'll often become aware that they engage in more negative thinking than they realize.
• Dream. Dreaming is a skill, actually a relational skill. It's a way to connect with you and with others. What are your dreams? What are the dreams you don't allow yourself to have? Where would you go if you took your mind off its self-restraining leash and let it wander?
• Follow your yearning. Notice what you yearn, what you long for - and you'll discover a dream, a desire or even an unmet need. Recognizing these stirring within ourselves is a profound way to embrace ourselves.

If you want a natural high, shift your focus to your brilliance. Be honest with yourself - where are the places you shine? Focus on your contributions, express your gratitude for them, and you'll embrace yourself in a whole new way. And, along the way, you just might find yourself spending a majority of your time, well, feeling great.

The Power of Desire

Have you ever considered that wanting is more than longing for something you don't have? Wanting is also about consciously nurturing a feeling of happiness. Don't you feel happy imagining having what you want to have or doing what you want to do?

The brain cannot tell the difference between an actual experience or a vividly imagined one. It simply reads the electrical impulses and chemicals compounds that your thoughts generate. Real or imagined? To your brain, it makes no difference.

But, what does make a difference is that by even just imagining having something you desire, you experience the same emotions you'd experience as if you actually had it. And in the long run, we're not after the thing, we're desiring the feeling we think the thing will give us. But, you are the only one who can generate a feeling, not a thing. How wonderful to know that we can have the feeling before, and even without, having the thing.

Desires are meant to feel good and when you're focused on what you truly want, you do feel good. But, what if thinking about your desire makes you feel bad? What if you want a loving relationship with your child, but all you do now is fight? If you are feeling bad when thinking of having a better relationship with your child, then you are not thinking of the happy potential, you are thinking of the undesired now. You are focused on what you don't want.

"You cannot desire something, predominantly focus on the absence of it, and then expect to receive it, because the vibrational frequency of it's absence and the vibrational frequency of its presence are very different frequencies." --Ask and It is Given, Esther Hicks

For every subject there are two parts: it and the lack of it. Imagining or experiencing what we desire always feels good. Imagining or experiencing the lack of what we desire always feels bad. Your feelings will indicate where your thoughts are centered.

Your thoughts feed your reality. Think of what you don't want and you'll get more of it. Think of what you do want and you'll get more of that. You are in total control of your experience of life. It can feel as you wish it to feel. But, it does require awareness of your feelings and the commitment to manage your own emotions. Small price to pay for happiness! "Desire is the starting point of all achievement, not a hope, not a wish, but a keen pulsating desire which transcends everything." —Napoleon Hill "It sometimes seems that we have only to love a thing greatly to get it." —Robert Collier "Whether it is a thought of something you want or a thought of something you do not want - your attention to it invites it into your experience." —Abraham

How to manage stress succesfully

1. Recognize and learn from mistakes
   It's a fact about life that everybody at some point will make mistakes. For many people, the mistake is made, learned from, corrected if possible and quickly forgotten. But some people carry on replaying the mistake over and over again for months - years in some cases - and it causes no end of stress and misery. When you're stressed, you can be vulnerable to this replaying of mistakes further exacerbating the stress. So avoid the urge to replay events from your past over and over again. Learn from them, find the positives, accept that you'll make mistakes from time to time, and move on as quickly as you can.
2. Regain control
   Sometimes, life can be very difficult to cope with because you are dealing with a multitude of major events. For example, a relationship breakdown can trigger a number of events: the split itself, moving house, finances, social life and so on. During such trying times, the plate is already full and it's important to not pile the plate higher by making other major, life-altering decisions. Postpone changes at work, relationship commitments, house moves, etc. until the plate is less full and control has been regained.
3. Get some distance
   If you're dealing with a stressful situation and you have a lot on your plate then it can be very hard to find solutions. At these times, you can feel as if you're caught up in the midst of a sandstorm and it can be nigh on impossible to see the way out. A good idea is to get some distance from your problems so you can gather your thoughts. If possible, take a day or even a weekend away from your usual surroundings, somewhere peaceful, and relax. Take a journal along so you can jot down any ideas. Distance away from problems can bring clarity and by relaxing, you'll be calmer and solutions will come far easier than when you are in the heat of battle.
4. Resolve to act
   During an episode of stress, depression or anxiety, a belief that you are helpless can creep in. You say things like: "I can't do anything, things are totally beyond my control and there's no point in trying to do anything about it because nothing I do ever works." This is a very powerful and limiting belief. If you believe that you are helpless, then you will act accordingly because you won't take action to change things. Why would you if you strongly believe it is a hopeless cause? Helplessness is learned and it is also flawed. Many people are blind to the power they possess and a belief in helplessness keeps them in the dark. But just as helplessness is learned, it can be unlearned and a good way to start is to resolve to take action to create the outcomes you want. Keep writing down positive outcomes and keep taking action each and every day to move towards them.
5. Vary your days
   Performing the same routines day in day out really can become a grind. Although routine gives us a sense of certainty and security, it can also make us feel like robots who live a predictable existence. This feeling can trigger stress, depression and anxiety as you don't enjoy life when you feel it is predictable. So try to vary your days: start and finish work at different times, don't eat the same types of meal each day (e.g. cereal for breakfast each day), vary how you start the day (go for a swim, a walk, a jog, rise at different times) and try to visit somewhere new at least twice a month (a restaurant, a museum, a theatre, a town etc.) as this will help to bring variety to life and keep life interesting. It's also a great way of easily managing stress without making major changes.